The "Flawlessness" Trap: How to Live Happier and Calmer by Accepting "Good Enough"
Have you ever spent hours trying to buy something simple, like a pair of headphones, or even choosing a movie for the weekend? You scour dozens of websites, read hundreds of user reviews, compare features, and deep down, there is always this lingering fear: “What if the model I buy isn’t the best one? What if the one I didn’t see was better?” Or perhaps you drag out projects and tasks, endlessly editing them because they never seem quite “perfect” yet.
If these feelings sound familiar, welcome to the high-stress world of “perfectionism.” Today’s society constantly whispers in our ears: “Don’t settle for less,” “Always seek the best,” and “Flaws mean failure.” But modern psychology has something surprising to say about this: this constant search for the “best” is exactly what is making us miserable.
Let’s get acquainted with an interesting concept in psychology introduced by Dr. Barry Schwartz. He divides people facing choices and standards into two main categories:
Category 1: Maximizers
These are the perfectionists. The ones whose goal is always to find the “absolutely best” option. When they want to buy a phone, they must be certain it’s the best possible phone in that price range. When they do a job, it must be flawless. You might think this is a good trait that leads to progress, but research has shown that Maximizers usually experience more anxiety, feel more regret, enjoy life less, and are even more prone to depression. Why? Because in today’s world with thousands of options, finding the “best” is practically impossible, and this futile effort only leads to mental exhaustion.
Category 2: Satisficers
This term is a combination of “Satisfy” and “Suffice.” These individuals have clear standards, but they are not looking for the “absolute best.” They are looking for something that is “good enough” and meets their needs. Once they find that option, they choose it and close the file in their minds. They don’t dwell on the options they missed out on. Interestingly, research shows that these people ultimately make good decisions, but with much less stress and far more satisfaction.
The main problem with perfectionism is that it’s a lose-lose game. If you don’t reach the impossible standard you’ve set, you feel like a failure and worthless. And even if you do reach it (rarely), you are so exhausted and worn out that you can’t enjoy it, and you immediately worry that you might not be able to repeat it next time. Perfectionism isn’t striving for excellence; it is a defense mechanism to avoid being judged, feeling ashamed, or feeling inadequate. We want to be flawless to feel safe, oblivious to the fact that this very effort destroys our psychological safety.
So, how can we get out of this trap and be a bit more of a “Satisficer”?
The first step is to recognize “analysis paralysis.” Catch yourself when you see you’ve been thinking for hours about a small decision (like choosing a dress color or a font for a report). Set time limits for your decision-making. For example, say: “I only have 30 minutes to choose a restaurant.” When the time is up, move forward with the best option you’ve found up to that moment.
The second step is practicing “good enough.” Before starting any task, define what “done” means for that task. What level of quality is “sufficient” for this job? For instance, if you are going to clean the house, is it necessary to scrub the grout between the tiles with a toothbrush, or is a standard vacuum and dusting enough for the house to look clean? Define the standard of “sufficient,” and when you reach it, stop.
And finally, stop making “shop window comparisons.” We usually compare the challenging messy reality of our own lives with the edited, flawless appearance of others’ lives on social media. This unfair comparison is the primary fuel for the engine of perfectionism. Let’s remember that no one and nothing is perfect.
Life is too short to be spent on endless edits. Sometimes we have to tell ourselves: “This isn’t great, but it’s done, and that is enough.” Accepting flaws doesn’t mean lowering standards; it means opening up space for peace, creativity, and enjoying the journey of life, instead of always worrying about reaching a destination that doesn’t exist.
Sources for Further Reading:
- “The Paradox of Choice” by Barry Schwartz. This book is the primary source on the concepts of Maximizers and Satisficers and explains why more options make us more anxious.Link to book page on Amazon
- Barry Schwartz’s TED Talk: A fantastic and popular talk titled “The paradox of choice” which offers an excellent summary of his theories.Link to watch on the TED website
- “The Gifts of Imperfection” by Brené Brown. This book is an excellent guide to letting go of perfectionism and embracing your authentic self.Link to Brené Brown’s website
